I wanted a lot of things, but I had no real conception of what would make me happy. Dating with purpose is reserved for those who are making a concerted effort to find out if there is enough compatibility to sustain a healthy relationship: a relationship that includes romantic love and excitement, but also involves getting along and having a shared desire to build a future together. An important way to tell if someone is ready for a healthy relationship is to determine whether they have worked through (or are in the process of working through) issues from childhood or previous relationships—issues that most of us have in some form or another. Regardless, the willingness to negotiate must start in the beginning of the relationship and continue throughout its lifespan—and according to Judith Sills in , this should include a sit-down conversation before marriage. Before we are ready for a relationship, we must actively work to esteem ourselves (practicing self-love is an important part of this). It means fighting fair: expressing your opinion without attacking the other person. Sex is not the most important thing, but it can be a deal breaker.
I have created the following list of qualities one should look for in a relationship with a potential life partner. It means that rituals from your family of origin might need to be re-negotiated, that you’ll need to create new rituals as a couple.
Finally, it means that the wounded inner child must be kept in check. Sharing similar values about such issues as money, monogamy, and parenting is important when determining if someone is a good potential match.
have was a understanding of what I was looking for. For those of us who wish to find someone with whom to share the rest of our lives, dating with purpose is essential. And good communication would not be complete without listening. This is also true if one partner simply wants more time spent in the bedroom than the other. This means understanding that we might trigger childhood wounds in each other, so we must be able to to articulate what those are and create sensitivity strategies together.
In other words, dating with purpose is like interviewing someone for the most important role in his or her life as your partner. It takes effort, patience, self-discipline, and the wisdom of others who have gone through this process themselves and been successful. Our greatest contentment comes from loving someone that we can also trust. Added bonus: our own self-esteem will attract a better quality partner. It means reporting your real feelings and saying what you mean, instead of beating around the bush. If one likes to experiment and the other partner doesn’t, someone will end up feeling rejected. There should be a recognition of the fact that there are four people in the relationship: two adults and two children—one inner child per adult.
What we need is someone who let us in, but knows when they need some space to take care of themselves. You come together and pull apart as the relationship unfolds. Devotion means choosing to spend special time with our partner so we feel each other’s devotion.
It means pulling out the calendar and making dates.
The hallmark of a healthy relationship is being with someone who can give us as much as we give them. We tend to romanticize relationships because of the happy endings we see in so many movies, but life is not like this.
The majority of our happiness should come from a healthy relationship with ourselves.
It is not honesty if you withhold information that affects the relationship. Readiness for a relationship on the part of both partners. We need to be with someone who understands how a relationship really works and is not wrapped up in idealistic fairytales or is just interested in staying around for the honeymoon. In a modern relationship, compromise is imperative. Sometimes, it means accepting the other person’s terms. This means both partners know who they are and what they want. Then we stick to our guns and look for this in a relationship before we commit. If we don’t have it, we might let our partner dominate us, losing sight of ourselves in the process. Good communication means asking for what you want, but not being addicted to getting it.
In a mature relationship, we understand ourselves and what we want. This means both partners feel good about themselves and are able to engage as equals.
It means remembering things like birthdays and anniversaries. This is going to take some effort if you have a history of ambivalence.