My friend’s resentment was just fear dressed up as something else, and the girlfriend was just collateral damage. He’s doing the best he can, and the last thing he needs is to feel even guiltier than he already feels.
That clear and simple explanation cracked everything wide open for me. Even though I already knew that, it hit me in a new way when my friend explained it. Chances are, no matter where he is, he feels like he’s letting someone down, and between the two factions in his life, you are (supposedly) the grown-up. Sometimes when parenting duties push me off the docket, I can see in his eyes how torn up he feels—how much he hates disappointing me but has no choice.
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See your friends, take yourself to a movie, catch up on some work, or just be by yourself and breathe.
It can be a beautiful thing if you let it, but if you don’t, he’ll feel the pressure of being the only thing in your life, even if it goes unsaid. You have something real and maybe even rare with him, and the only thing either one of you wants to do is plan a life together. No one is putting a gun to your head and forcing you to be in this relationship.
‘I believe honesty is the best policy and would recommend a single parent always revealing that detail upfront.
‘Any trusting relationship starts with honesty from the very beginning.
Yeah, I know, the children of the man I love don’t want me around, which makes said man feel guilty and stretched in too many directions, in turn causing fear and insecurity for us both.
Tell me one more time that it’s not personal, I dare you. His kids dislike you only as a concept, not as a person—they’re looking for that same safety and stability we all are, and you just happen to be the embodiment of all that threatens that.You’re entitled to your feelings about that, and you get some space to make it about you, too, because some of it is.There’s nothing worse than a desperate clown doing tricks for approval.Kids have an instinct for sniffing out bullshit, and if you try too hard, they’ll take a magnifying glass to whatever warts they’ve already decided you have.This process is going to take exactly as much time as it will take, and not a moment less. You love this person, and you want to be a part of the good things in his life, and sometimes you feel crappy when you’re not.As things settled into a routine though, she found herself thinking about dating again and turned to dating apps.